Thanks for the link earlier niXit, this is a great site.
[[ http://maddox.xmission.com/ ]]A choice excerpt from the page on email etiquette. Please replace all instances of "send email" with "post a message" and it will all make sense. "There are pigs that can manipulate joysticks, yet you morons can't even send me an intelligible email. I can't read this, and I'm not going to try. If you can't spell or use proper punctuation and grammar, don't email me. In fact, here are some helpful guidelines so you can know when NOT to email me:
If your keyboard doesn't work, don't send me email.
If you're going to be cute and use the word "tha" instead of "the," don't send me email, it will only piss me off. If you're an idiot and don't know what an "argument" is, don't email me (this means you, Ms. "I don't know the difference between a proposition and a quarrel," you dumb bitch). If you tend to use the acronym "LOL" a lot, don't bother trying to remember not to use it in the email, it's just easier for you to not email me. Whatever it is that you have to say probably isn't important because you're an idiot. If your email starts out with the phrase "I'm emailing you because I'm bored," save my DELETE key some wear by not sending me email. If your age consists of a single digit, DON'T SEND ME EMAIL, YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING. If you want to show me what a righteous and forgiving person you are by cursing me to hell don't bother, I've heard it all. If you found your kids looking at my page and you don't want them to read it anymore, learn to discipline your children and spare me your incessant bitching. If your email ends with "I guess I went off on a tangent," you're a dipshit, quit wasting my time.
Don't beg me to post your email, if your writing was that great to begin with, you'd probably have something better to do than to beg strangers on the internet to publish your witty retorts. I know you think you're the first person to discover the fat Star Wars kid video, and although everyone enjoys the timeless humor of a kid twirling a pole, assume that everyone has already seen it and DON'T SEND IT TO ME OR ANYONE ELSE. To be on the safe side, format your hard drive and cancel your internet account. If you find yourself using a thesaurus more than twice per email, you're an idiot. Stick to what you know: drinking $6 frappuccinos and reading the latest Anne Rice novel while you write entries for your stupid blog that nobody reads.
"Dope" is not an adjective. Don't assume I know which article you're talking about. I've written over 400 articles to date, you sound like a jackass when you send me stupid shit like "I totally agree, they should be launched into the sun!" Who: Goths? Old People? Children? Be more specific. That about covers it for now. If you're going to send me an email and you're not sure whether or not it's stupid, play it safe and presume it is. Together we can make my inbox idiot-free."
What a great guy. I would almost say he's one of niXit's alter-egos, except he has impeccable grammar. See my shiny new sig quote for an example of exactly what I'm talking about.
 "somebody was trying to ask for help on something, ever if it was something stupid, and yaw just asted like a bunch of idiots. i cant wait for the next time one of yaw need help for something, im going to hurt yaw worse that your dads hurt your moms. i bet none of yaw would say anything like that to his face. dikes." - speeddemon300zx 13:18:37 09/03/03 "Enough is enough Guapo. Stop harass my feelings man." - BeaZ 11:35:18 08/03/03
"F' your feelings, learn your lesson." - YugoBernie (NoVA) 11:36:00 08/03/03 "So I nailed it, took off like an F18 from carrier. Of course the chase begained." -Tim_N/A 10:27:15 04/07/03 "Ps, I ate a real chocolate jesus today. it was kick ass. it was about 3" tall and solid chocolate. I was in heaven." - niXit 10:53:48 10/02/02 |
